Disillusioned

I can't  step forward
I am Frozen in disbelief by
What has just happened
Feeling disillusioned
I have laid it all on the line for you
Given when there was nothing left to give
Begged and borrowed just to make you happy
If only for a moment
You spit upon me
Blinding me to the fact that
What I am doing is clearly not working
So I start at step one again, giving when I've nothing left inside me, nothing left to give.

Moment

If this moment, this very second were to be my last I would be okay.  It is warm and cozy and dreamy in a melancholic way reminiscent of my younger years. Right now I am alone, and OK with it, mesmerized by lyrics of songs from the past, sinking deeper into careless memories,  feeling  just a bit dark but familiar, feeling like I am home again

Not about Frank

It is getting dark out, and I can't find you

Standing outside calling your name

Like someone who has lost their dignity 

And self respect waiting for you go come back

I am tired of the games you play,

Twisting my heart like a wet rag

Leaving my mind rattled

Leaving me frazzled

And afraid 

You. Won't. Return.

A voice of wisdom

Speaks to me.

I go inside.

And shut the door.

Pieces

You are in pieces
Scattered  across the floor
Carelessly tossed
In a haphazard manner
Like yesterday's news
I reach for you
One intricate part after another
Gathering all I can
Scrambling
Recreating what once was
For the thought of
Something new
Is too much to bear

Smothered

Despair,

I am engulfed by it, 

It is building within me

In the dark of night

I feel smothered and try to get up

To escape

But my legs give out under me and I fall 

To the floor 

I am losing this battle

Breathing in sadness, as I try and crawl to the door

Hoping someone is on the other side, waiting to help me