Shell

 Life is often not easy, and I believe that goes for every being on this earth. To help counter this , I almost feel as if I have formed a thick protective shell to help shield me from the sadness in the world, the ridicule of others, and most importantly, the hatred of myself.  I laugh and make jokes about myself before anyone else gets a chance to, further developing my protective barrier.  I wonder what it would feel like to lift the anger from my life, to drop the pessimistic attitude I feel and get rid of the negativity that has become so much a part of me that it is in fact, me.  I wonder if I could learn to trust again, or if I would even want to, I kind of like being guarded. It is protective, it feels safe.  Keeping others at arms length gives me room to breathe, to live freely, to not worry about judgement from others.  It also makes it almost impossible to get to know and love others, deeply, truly, exactly as they are and I know I am missing out.  A few have broken through this barrier and I love you for accepting, shy, introverted, crazy cat loving me for who I am and I will love you fully, for being exactly who you are.  It is a strange world out there, getting stranger every day, but there is so much good I fail to see, and am thankful for all that are part of the goodness.  

Love always, 

Me