Crossroad

Oh how to see your glorious face would affirm my faltering faith.  It changes so often yet I am looking for stability, someone to rely on, a force to be reckoned with.  I am afraid to alienate others if I believe too strongly so I throw it by the wayside, make jokes about my uncertainty and even laugh in the face of the one I believe saved me.  Oh God I am at a crossroads.  How can I openly believe and worship you without ridicule by those I love, those that don't understand my personal connection with you.  I don't want to push others to believe anything but their own truth but I feel both joyful and ashamed at finding and sharing mine.  Please look me in the face, let me know that you are with me and that you exist, for I fear a lifetime of denial, ambivalence even when it comes to knowing you, and commiting to you otherwise.