Raw

It's too much what I've been hearing in the news lately, so painful drumming up memories from 20 years ago. She was unconscious  you had no right to lay a finger on her no matter how intoxicated you were, she couldn't say no. She was lucky to have heroes step in for her though your punishment was weak and you should have to serve a steeper sentence for stripping away her value and self worth and dignity. At least there were witnesses and she was believed . Imagine what it feels like to be told you are not believed and have it promptly swept under the rug. Imagine those closest to you, turning their backs on you and leaving you to pick up the pieces.  Imagine 10 years later as a new mom, crying that you don't deserve to be one due to your past, and the worthlessness you feel, still not being able to express it as it will turn your life upside down.  Your spirit and life profoundly damaged forever . So you repress it, feeling like a nothing in the process , like you don't matter.  You've ruined her fucking life bro, and it's just starting
I pray she gets the support she needs in time, before it's too late.  I remember the outfit I was wearing.  If I could find it I'd fucking burn it.  If 20 years ago I knew what I knew now, life would be very different. I'd put away your broom and stop sweeping shit under the rug to protect everyone else.  I'd protect my rights instead.

Word

Words should be chosen wisely

They can build up

Or tear down

Bond or break

Excite and entice

Or abhor and bore

The power of words is infinite

Yet we often fail to comprehend

The magnitude or attitude of what

We are putting forth to others

Finding that perfect word to describe an experience is like finding a lost puzzle piece.

Just the right amount of curves, edges, and corners that nothing else could fit nearly as well.

The wrong words, words that are hateful, demeaning, degrading, upsetting or rude, whether spoken or written cannot be taken back easily as an imprint is often left in the recipient 's mind. Please choose them wisely

Moments intertwined

Moments
I feel happy to be and exist fully in the present
Moments
I question my purpose of even being
And hardly feel like I exist at all
There are moments I am proud of my accomplishments.
Moments I wonder what, in all these years
Have I actually accomplished, what have I done with my time
Moments of confidence
And moment after moment after moment of self doubt,
These moments, intertwine, each taking just a second or a minute, or 40+ years of my life. These moments are many, yet leave me yearning, for just a few more moments, for a few more chances, to get things right.

Dirt

It turns over and exposes, unearths a part of itself that has been up until this moment living in darkness it the cool damp ground.  It is frightening after first experiencing it's first bout of light and it desperately tries to burrow itself deeper into the Rocky soil until it can't go any further.  The sun is exposing it's vulnerabilities yet it cannot deny it feels a bit consoled basking in its radiant warmth, instinctively it knows it has a job to do and digs horizontally loosening up the soil, remembering that moment, but quickly resumes it's former position in its comfort zone.

Moments

Your laugh
Your strength
Your gift of being able to stand tough and lay it all on the line for my daughter and others like her
Your passion for what you do, the women you empower, the safe net you provide
Your ability to stand in fear and take one step forward when your heart tells you to retreat
Your courage to contemplate trying again, though 3 times you have been let down.
The way you educate your daughter, helping her focus on her strengths
The way you lobby for your son, who is thriving, because of you.  I am in love and awe of you. I am blessed to have witnessed  these moments in my life.

Sandal

It's OK to let go
To live life for awhile fading into to background without the stress of having to know answers black and white, for I find as hard as I search for these perfect situations they 100% do not exist.  I am not perfect and truly hope I am.not picked apart this way and rather seen as whole, and I hope my  goodness outweighs my bad.  The problem with generally living life in this non engaging manner is no solid connections  are made because I am searching for that one perfect situation.  After 44 years I am pretty damned sure my perfect utopia does not exist. Truthfully, by now I should know that life does not shit flowers so I should probably throw in the towel on this, get my hands a bit dirty and dive in deeper to the aspects of my circumstances I am unsure of, regardless of their differences.  I may come up gasping for air and even missing a sandal in the process, but I'll choose that over another day on the sidelines any day.

Price

Grasping to hold each delicate finger on your hands as they slip through without even an acknowledgement.  I am here to save you, to try my hardest to prevent something from happening that has already been written.  I stand in the crowd spewing hatred back at the naysayers, I am invisible. I have no voice.  In truth I was probably one of them, how dare a man claim to be the son of God. This is blasphemy
 He must be stopped at once
  Perhaps I am.a woman huddled in the corner knowing this is wrong but too afraid to speak up for what will happen to me. I've done it before.  I Will surely do it again
  Please forgive those of us so.many of us that would have stood and done nothing out of fear of repercussions. You paid our price.  We are eternally grateful for your love.  It can never be repaid.  Amen