Ghost

Forgotten
No memories of what we used to be or who we were. I turn the kaleidoscope and the faded colors spin into nothingness,
I am wishing for a revelation of some sort
A looking glass to peer into
A time machine to travel in to find answers
Of where I went wrong
I step outside
  The cold damp air awakens my senses and I feel the need to turn around
Only to see the sillhouette of a ghost filled with answers
Vanishing before my eyes into the morning sky

Free

She descends from higher than the clouds
Floating gently as falling autumn leaves taking their final bow as winter edges in upon them.
She spins
Gliding gently
As the wind offers to guide her to her chosen destination.
Her laugh is childlike, and way too loud at times, I remember wishing she'd tone it down a bit as if others cared or even worse were looking, but at this moment I am so very glad I kept my big mouth shut and just let her be.  It must have been so hard to let him go despite the heartache, despite the lies, he was all she ever knew.  But seeing her this very day I knew she made the right choice as her eyes glowed with a warmth from inside that I'd never seen before.  For today, the chains were broken and she was radiant, glorious, and floating on air, she was perfect, she was finally free.

Mirror

I press on the mirror

It feels cold

Lifeless

Reflecting back merely what is

On the outside

Face value

It does not reveal who I am

My core beliefs, who my heart,

My soul belongs to.

It is just a mirror,

Not reflective of pain, mistrust,

Or the armor I am slowly building up

On the inside to block me from feeling

Anything at all. Slowly but surely the walls are closing but my mirror, my magic mirror doesn't whisper, or hint, or even give a peek.  All looks quiet on the outside, like yesterday, like tomorrow.

First

My first breath
     Inhaled in your presence
Unaware of the many encounters and adventures I would experience  in life.
My first hand, I held was yours, too young to realize the beauty and fragility yet protectiveness that was contained in each intertwined finger firmly grasping mine.  My first hug, my first kiss, my first tears imprinted on your heartstrings, it was you who I ran to when I wanted to feel safe, you who I ran from when asserting my independence, my own way, so many times in my life.  I want to run to you again, to tell you one more time how much I love and adore you, and honor your beautiful strength I will carry with me each day.  It is now I know you were enough, so much more than enough, you were my first love, my mom.

Disillusioned

I can't  step forward
I am Frozen in disbelief by
What has just happened
Feeling disillusioned
I have laid it all on the line for you
Given when there was nothing left to give
Begged and borrowed just to make you happy
If only for a moment
You spit upon me
Blinding me to the fact that
What I am doing is clearly not working
So I start at step one again, giving when I've nothing left inside me, nothing left to give.

Moment

If this moment, this very second were to be my last I would be okay.  It is warm and cozy and dreamy in a melancholic way reminiscent of my younger years. Right now I am alone, and OK with it, mesmerized by lyrics of songs from the past, sinking deeper into careless memories,  feeling  just a bit dark but familiar, feeling like I am home again

Not about Frank

It is getting dark out, and I can't find you

Standing outside calling your name

Like someone who has lost their dignity 

And self respect waiting for you go come back

I am tired of the games you play,

Twisting my heart like a wet rag

Leaving my mind rattled

Leaving me frazzled

And afraid 

You. Won't. Return.

A voice of wisdom

Speaks to me.

I go inside.

And shut the door.