Resistance

I am ashamed.
Ashamed of the way I treat you.
Ashamed that part of my heart turns to stone when we are together.
The way I snap at you when you don't deserve it.
I thought I forgave you for all that happened.
I know you did your best.
Still I love and abhor our moments together
Both wrapped into one package.
I hope one day I can be genuine and truly kind
And leave my resistance by the wayside

Chaos

Extending a gentle hand amidst confusion, chaos, trying to help a young man, who tries so hard to make sense of this world. Perhaps in a different way but just like we do, and you dedicated your life to helping him.  Every step you took was more than right. You almost went overboard trying to protect this young man, with his toy truck.  Trying to come home to your family by doing everything right.  But. You fucked up. You fucked up merely by being a black man.  A black man trying to do his job by rescuing a young man in need of rescuing. I A man in need of guidance, and love  and for doing that, caring for another being  as a black man, is enough to get you shot or even killed .  Hands up,  bang, chances are you still may wind up dead anyway

Passing

It was summertime , but not one of those hot sticky days that leave you running for the nearest AC it was pleasant, and yet she was uncomfortable as she sat on the deck with the breeze whispering down her pale neck.  It had been so long since she had been outside, or has really been anywhere since her husband's passing.  She remembered it like it was yesterday.  She still had so many unanswered questions, what would cause her husband to take his own life in a way that played graphically in her mind, over and over, day after day.  If she had only seen the warning signs ahead of time she could have prevented this devastating event, she wondered how she could ever go on without him.  Was he still with her in spirit?  Could he hear her thoughts?  She tried not wasting her time thinking about such unrealistic ideas, ideas she secretly hoped were true.  She went inside to try and force herself to eat something for dinner.  As the refrigerator stared back at her empty, she decided to fix herself another drink again.  He was never coming back, and though she couldn't live with it at least she could temporarily numb her pain.

Vanished

Vanished without a trace
Nobody looking, no matter, no waste
Of time trying to figure out what went wrong
Turn a blind eye just move on just move on with your self focused life it's not about you it has nothing to do with these lies where's your truth.
Just take a deep breath in a day or two this too shall pass, until it doesn't, and is staring you right in your fucking face daring you to deny that things are not right. Take a stand or fall  flat in disgrace its up to you to decide how this one ends, choose to start over or continue to hate.

Dad

Let me hold your hand for a moment.
Your skin once soft feeling weathered
Your strong grasp has weakened just a slight bit, as mine has, as mine will.  Let me walk with you, your legs, once filled with stamina, now filled with pain in each step, yet you walk proudly, not acknowledging your truth.  Let me hold you when you are down, take care of you as you still take care of me, even though I'm grown, even though I should be standing on my own two feet . Let me love you like the superhero you still are to me at 44 years old, and you at 72.  In my eyes you can do no wrong. I am so proud to be one of yours and look forward to each shared moment with you
Let me thank you for all you are, all you have been and forever will be.  Let me bask in pride, as I call you Dad, forever.

Leilah

She likes to get her hands dirty, mud piles become her instant friend.  She wears homemade crowns of flowers and magistrates over a magic land far greater than ours, unlimited by societal rules.  She is a princess, a ruler, an artist, a tomboy swinging from a tree all wrapped up in one package.  She is fiercely independent and will literally create beauty out of almost nothing.  She is gifted and greatness shall come of her.  She is Leilah.  She is six.

Prism

Trying to keep my balance I tiptoe across the floor, jagged pieces of glass scattered haphazardly, taking on a life of their own, hoping, yearning, begging for me to slip and indulge them in my  mishap.  I hear breathing in the room and faint laughter, sadistic, perhaps content on  watching my every move.  I pick up a shard of glass and it is momentarily transformed, and the with sunlight casts a prism.  I am not fooled, and eventually make my way out of the room quickly, but gingerly, without looking back.